This week we celebrate five years of marriage and just over seven years of dating. There are times when it feels like we just met and other times where it feels like we’ve known each other for a lifetime.
Recently, I was talking with a friend who is currently dating but close to getting engaged. During the course of our conversation, I asked him about when he was going to get married. In his answer he said that he never wanted to stop dating her. I initially thought he meant that he didn’t want to get married. Quickly I figured out that yes, he wants to get married but keep the fun of the “dating season” alive while they are married.
This dialog with him stayed with me and while I understood what he meant, it felt like an empty statement. I’ve heard similar comments before and I know that they are meant to allude to the fact that we should never stop pursuing our spouse. However, I really started processing that statement and how it applied to me and Erica.
Let me tell you where I landed and then I’ll explain. After processing this, I determined that I DO NOT want “date Erica forever.” Whoa??!! Calm down. Let me now explain.
You see, we dated for two years. During that time we got to know each other well. We got to know families, preference, values, opinions, and character. We had fun together, did neat things and celebrated life in exciting ways. Obviously we learned enough about each other through this time and these experiences to make the right decision to proceed with all of that knowledge into a marriage under the assumption that it would be compatible forever.
Once we got married, though, we did not hit the repeat button on the dating season and do the same fun things, having the same exploratory conversations and celebrating the same ways. Instead, we kept growing and learning.
In the past five years we have grown deeper in our relationship with each other in every facet imaginable. Five years ago we had a healthy love, honor and respect for one another and yet we seem to have grown richer and deeper in those areas since then. We have found new and even better ways to serve one another. Each of us has greater understanding of our gifting and talents and are able to celebrate and encourage those in one another. I could go on.
Why the growth in these areas? I would say the number one reason for this tremendous, rich and fulfilling growth in our relationship is due to our individual relationships with God growing deeper and more intimate.
I think we both know realize that when each of us make it a priority to grow in our relationship with God, it causes us to see each other through the eyes of God the Father. It motivates us to see each other as His creation and His child. When I spend time thanking God for Erica and praying for her, I see her as God’s creation and as such want to treat her the way God would want me to treat her. I’m sure Erica would say the same.
So, five years. Our marriage is infinitely more fulfilling than I would have ever imagined at this point. The cool thing is that it shows now signs of slowing down. Our relationship with God is deepening and if the trend holds, I expect that our marriage relationship will continue in that direction too.
Erica, you do so many things well. I could fill up several blog posts describing them. Most of all, though, you love God well and you grow closer to him every day. I’m the beneficiary of that - so thank you.
Love,
Shawn
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