Purpose

The other day I looked at Shawn and I said, "I feel like my life lacks purpose." Bewildered, he slowly shook his head and said, "Erica, you have more purpose now than you ever have."  He's right, and yet my days often feel so tedious that I struggle to see what matters, or more importantly that I matter. 

I have wanted to be a mom my entire life. Furthermore, every dream and vision I ever had of motherhood involved staying home with my children.  I love the intimacy that naturally follows being present and involved in all of the tiny moments that transpire each day.  I love hearing the question, "mom, will you read this to me?" I delight in the fact that singing to Jonah almost always turns his tears into a smile.  I could write for days about how profound it is to witness Gods hand in my home and on my children.  The warmth and the peace that I have experienced time and time again is indescribable.  These are the days that fill my bucket and create meaningful connections with my kids. 

My earliest desires to be a mom have allowed me to quickly recognize the sweetness of my children.  It's incredibly redemptive to experience first hand the very scenarios that were some of the best landscapes of my imaginative play years ago.  But my imagination didn't have any idea how easy it is to loose sight of the goodness of motherhood when the days are long and even the best thought out strategies are met with opposition. 

I knew in my head that there would be parts of motherhood that would be difficult, but I didn't know how hard it was going to be to hold tight to my purpose during those difficult days.   When things aren't going well, it's easy for me to start believing the lie that I am not good enough for the job or that I could be making a bigger difference somewhere else.  I'm realizing that one of the reasons that those lies echo so loudly in my heart is because motherhood is constant and I rarely get to walk away to gain some perspective or ground myself in truth. 

I'm doing my best to do exactly what God invites us to do in 2 Corinthians 10:5, which is to take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.  He is truth, which means that when I hand my thoughts over to Him, He weeds out the lies and illuminates the truth. 

I'm learning that my days don't have to go well in order to still have purpose.  God entrusted these children to me and there is no doubt in my mind that raising them is an absolute privilege.  It's rarely easy, but it's always worth it. 

Love,
Erica