My Mommy Mind: Two Months

When Nicole was a baby, I constantly had strangers imploring me to cherish the days because "it goes so fast".  Shawn and I tried to be mindful of those common words of wisdom by doing our best to enjoy each and every stage but 2 1/2 years later, I haven't been able to come into agreement with the "fast" aspect of it all.  In between all of the feeding, burping, changing and napping, we pack our days with books and toys, music and make believe.   Kitchen messes are common and folded laundry is almost always unfolded by a giggling toddler wanting to play yet another round of, "buried in the laundry".  Growth is the string that pulls each day together which affords me the opportunity to   constantly marvel at the new levels of independence that are bursting out of my children on a daily basis.   I celebrate their milestones while simultaneously setting up new parameters, boundaries and rules to help guide their fresh skills.  Some decisions are based on nothing more than a guess, while others spawn from deep conviction.  I carry the responsibility to love, correct and care for my children both day and night, which often blurs my concept of time. 

I find myself consciously working on keeping track of which day of the week it is, and I often wish I could put myself to bed somewhere around 3pm each day.  Sharing a house with an infant who hasn't yet learned how to sleep through the night and a toddler who is cutting her two year molars means there is no true separation of day and night.  I don't think I've ever been so tired in my life but I am incredibly grateful to be an active participant in the intensity and sacredness of these long days.

I celebrated the beginning of Jonah's 2 month by acknowledging that I don't feel nearly as fragile as I did when this all began.  The initial shock of becoming a family of four has worn off and a new normal is beginning to emerge.  Our first few weeks home with our baby boy were profoundly exhausting both emotionally and physically.   Nicole had moments when her actions were helpful and her motives were kind, but we had lots of moments in between those that were not as smooth.   It was much more emotional than any of expected to usher Jonah into our lives and the process was disorienting for everyone.  I wondered if I would always have both children in my lap every single time I sat down or if my toddler would ever listen to me again.   I now have moments when my lap is empty and Nicole seems to have decided that obedience is a good thing after all.  I still find it hard to divide my time between the simultaneous and often competing needs of an infant and a toddler, but I'm getting better at it.  Each day feels a little calmer and a lot more familiar than the day before, which is helping all of us positively redefine what our family looks like.

Our transformation as a family continues to be underway, but we are grounded by the truth of Gods Word and the insights we've gained as parents over the last 2 1/2 years.   I know that the months I spend carrying my chubby baby boy around won't last forever.  The hours I spend rocking and nursing him will eventually come to an end and someday nap times will be firmly established and wake times will be long enough to participate in something fun.  Most importantly,  I know that the way Shawn and I communicate with one another speaks volumes to our children so we actively choose to keep our words kind and our tone of voice gentle. 

Our hope for this second month of Jonah's life and our new family arrangement is that our dependence on God would continue to grow and our ability to love one another would deepen.  Happy 2 month birthday, buddy!

I hope you are well!
Love,
Erica