At my very last prenatal appointment before Nicole was born, my Midwife shared with me that she believed that the first six weeks after the birth of a baby is the most significant, life-changing, difficult and often isolating period of time in the life of a new mom. I was surprised by her statement because I was filled with so much anticipation about meeting the baby I had been carrying for the 39+ weeks prior to that conversation. Now, having navigated two intense and vulnerable postpartum seasons, I whole heartedly agree with her. Even though there are countless factors that play into the fragile nature of the first few weeks postpartum, the most significant factor for me is that when a baby is born, a family is transformed.
I thought that the biggest transformation would have happened when Nicole was born because her little life allowed us to become parents. The title of 'mom' is one I have worn tenderly for the last two and a half years and each new day of motherhood has allowed me to step deeper into that role. I knew that brining Jonah home would change some of our existing family dynamics but I had no idea how life changing this would actually be. Most days I feel so stretched by my new role as a mother of two that I am positive I will wake up someday down the road as a completely new person. Balancing the care of an infant and a toddler has required sacrifice, flexibility and lots of patience. My boundaries are regularly pushed in the areas of sleep, personal space, cleanliness and timeliness, and all the while I am doing my best to help a 2 1/2 year old navigate this change as well.
There are familiar things about having a newborn the second time around, which has certainly allowed me to breathe a little easier, and spend far less time reaching out to friends and combing the internet for answers to all of my first-time-parent questions. And yet, even though this is my second go-around at caring for an infant, it is my first time caring for Jonah and he is his own person with unique needs and preferences. Each day, the pieces of his puzzle become a little clearer and start to form a better picture of who he is and what he needs. Every time I fit a puzzle piece into its rightful home, I feel noticeably lighter and much more equipped to forge ahead and continue caring for my son. But the days when I hold a jumble of puzzle pieces that don't seem to fit anywhere, I feel burdened and my exhaustion is a lot harder to shoulder.
I have been hesitant to write an update on how we are doing because we have only been a family of four for five weeks and as such, I am very aware that we are just beginning to exit the newness of all of this. I know that the intensity I've been feeling will fade, someday I will be a little more rested and eventually I might even be able to keep my clothes clean for the entire day. But the for the sake of marking where we started, I'd love to give you a small glimpse into our new family.
Jonah is an enthusiastic eater and an incredibly sound sleeper. He doesn't even bat an eyelash when his big sister is playing a musical instrument right next to his bed, which I am incredibly thankful for. He is such a sound sleeper that if he wouldn't have passed his newborn hearing screening, I would be concerned he has a hearing loss. Nicole has always been a light and reluctant sleeper so I am continually amazed by what Jonah can sleep through. One of our biggest obstacles has been figuring out how to soothe him when he's crying. He doesn't cry enough to be considered a baby with colic, but he's close! Each new day seems to shed more and more light on why Jonah is fussy and what will help him calm down. It's been emotionally taxing for me to hold a baby I cannot seem to comfort but we're working through it. He takes phenomenal naps during the day and sleeps less phenomenally at night. We are working on helping Jonah figure out that his long stretches of sleep are for the nighttime and his short stretches are for the daytime. We've seen glimpses of our efforts taking root so I think we're on the right track.
Nicole is a great big sister and I have never been more thankful for how communicative and articulate she is. Because my hands are often full, I have had to rely much more heavily on my words to reinforce a boundary, teach something new or simply to interact with Nicole. I know that she understands me and is able to easily respond with her words too. She's been speaking in full sentences for awhile now, and being able to fully communicate with one another has helped us navigate this new season with a far less bumps in the road. With that said, we've had to be intentional about affirming Nicole for what she is doing right in-between lots of boundary testing. Nicole loves to help me whenever she can but she also has moments when she struggles with how much time and attention Jonah requires. She is getting much better at playing by herself and I've loved watching her imagination grow along with her independence.
We are thankful for the children we've been entrusted to raise and we're thankful for one another. Family is a profound gift, and we hold that gift closely.
Love,
Erica
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