As many of you already know, Shawn was first offered the Dallas-based job he now holds the same week that we found out we were pregnant with Nicole. A few weeks before that. we had gone to breakfast together and I had shared that I was ready to pursue a part-time assistant job for a good friend of ours who needed help organizing. It was a huge turning point for me because I had never seen myself leaving teaching but something about working part time and having more emotional and physical energy to invest in our home felt right. I remember seeing relief wash across Shawn's face as he told me, "I've been waiting for you to be ready to be done teaching. I think this is a great move." We left breakfast that morning with a plan that we were both excited about. But only a few weeks later, pregnancy and a potential move across country tabled that plan and complicated our next steps.
Gigantic change seemed to be staring us in the face from every corner and we had no idea how to talk about it productively. We had decisions to make but we also had big feelings on the line that were wrapped up in years of hopes. dreams and expectations for what we each thought our lives would look like. We had very few tangible details to work with as guideposts for our conversations about our immediate future so we were constantly stuck in a place where we were processing various decisions with huge ramifications and even more unknowns. We were learning how to trust God, trust each other and discuss things that had no quick or easy resolution.
I had to trust Shawn to have my best interest in mind even when I completely disagreed with the decisions he wanted to make. He had to learn to trust me to set aside my feelings long enough to consider his perspective and to genuinely pray through the course of action he wanted to take. These open-ended, life-altering conversations were our normal for the next 7 months. I wanted answers and an action plan but neither of those things were within our reach even after we reached our decisions. It was humbling and stretching and difficult. I honestly don't remember very many specifics about how we ended up working through it all, but I know that during those seven months our marriage did take work and loving each other was an active choice.
I longed for a decision that would lead to details so that I would have something tangible to hold onto. What I completely failed to realize was that the decision to trust God in the midst of those life-altering unknowns and the choice to believe the best in Shawn and to love him even when I didn't know how to or didn't feel like it, were actually far more important than the big decisions we were trying to make together. My faith in God grew even through a season of deep questioning, my marriage was strengthened because we had to learn so much about they ways we each of us thought through decisions and my character grew because I needed to allow God to equip me in all of the areas I was previously under-equipped to navigate.
In the (almost) two years since we moved to Texas, Shawn and I have had to grow together in ways I could have never imagined. We often take the time to celebrate and affirm how far we have come, but that by no means that we have it all figured out. We do our best to be humble enough to seek each others perspective and to be aware of how our actions and words impact the other. We still make plenty of mistakes but above all we believe the best in one another no mater what and continually ask God to align our opinions and beliefs with His truth. It takes work to grow together, but it's what is required to joyfully uphold the covenant relationship that we entered into with one another. Even though it's not always easy to move towards one another, it's always worth it.
I hope you're having a great week!
Love,
Erica
No comments:
Post a Comment