On the front lines

Do you ever feel like you're on the front lines of a battle that you don't feel prepared to fight?  That's been my day to day journey lately and the silliest part of it all is that the battle centers around potty training.

About 6 months ago Nicole's verbal skills were exploding and her independent skills were growing every day.  Being the information seeking parent that I am, I had stumbled across some materials on how to potty train an 18 month old so I decided to go for it.   I knew that we could effectively communicate with one another and based on her rapid growth in other areas, it really seemed like something she could do.  I made a plan, gathered my materials and got to work.  To make a very long story short, after 3 weeks of hunkering down and giving it my best shot, our accident count was extremely high and our "successes" were always due to luck. Pretty much everything I read said that potty training is almost never over after that initial training period is done, it is the responsibility of the parent to learn the bathroom patterns of the child and to remind them to use the potty accordingly.   In 3 weeks of intense effort, I hadn't uncovered any reliable bathroom patterns and I knew that we both needed a break.  I threw in the towel indefinitely and started praying regularly about when and how to start again.

Almost 6 months later I am still processing what I learned during those 3 very long weeks of unsuccessful potty training, and to be honest, I still feel exhausted from the effort.  I had no desire to start trying again but one day while I was praying about it, the Lord reminded me that I waited and waited and waited and waited for Nicole to learn how to sleep through the night, but she never did.  So many people in my life told me that she would grow out of her sleeplessness, but she never did, she had to be trained.  As I was reminded of this, I instantly felt convicted that potty training is the same way.  I could keep waiting for Nicole to figure it out on her own and basically train herself, but like sleeping through the night, she needs to be trained how to do things differently than she has always done them.

I re-gathered my materials and decided to give it another try.  Nicole and I had been at this for over a week now and we are exactly where we started: still trying.  Nothing in my life feels sillier than admitting that I am deeply discouraged about our overall lack of progress in this area but I keep believing that it IS something she can do and she WILL get it with enough practice.  And in the moments that I am especially discouraged or actively confronting feelings of inadequacy and failure, I pause and ask God what He wants to teach me in all of this.  I sincerely believe that as I raise Nicole, God is raising me.  There are lessons in store for each of us, and this training will produce something desirable and worthwhile in the end.

Love,
Erica